Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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