Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
