You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
