His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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