I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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