so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I love you. Go after that dick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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