let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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