Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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