The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
