Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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