Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just invented taco cereal.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
