How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
