I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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