My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
