My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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