hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
