wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My feet surprised me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
