I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
