I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
