last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
