I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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