on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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