Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Still dying that you shit outside
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
