she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
