please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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