Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
