i just wanna soil my oats bro
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
