Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
