Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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