How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
