my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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