dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
