I think i peed on brittanys purse
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
