I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
