he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
