well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
