You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
