can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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