I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
