I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
