I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
