are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
