I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
