I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
