No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
