I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
