its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
