and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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