Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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