Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
