She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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