He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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