the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
