Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
