Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
