I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
